the hardest thing

What is the hardest thing for me at this point?

I could say that it is realizing that our hope of having a family of four only lasted from June 1 through June 29.

Almost a month, but not quite..
Almost a baby with a heart, but not quite..
Almost a family of four, but not quite..

But the real hardest thing is..

writing about our loss for the first time in print so I can learn to deal and heal with the pain..
I will mourn until today since today is the day I said the final good-bye, but I have to start moving on tomorrow-- even if it is a baby step. Now that I think of it, the hardest thing might be tomorrow.

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Love, Part II

For past three and a half years, we were blessed by our one and only love, Amelia. We are ready to experience that love all over again with this new baby. Life, love, Part II.. I love my family.

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Ah... I'm back (sort of?)

Disney Cruise '09: we wanted to stay this way forever, originally uploaded by jisoob.

We were unbelievably busy this past month. We took a well-deserved family vacation on a Disney Cruise and attended to many other things. Oddly enough, I missed posting pics here.. old habits die hard, I guess. I think the format of this blog is going to change though.. I won't consider this as a mommy blog anymore. I think I got burnt out writing about my life and whereabouts of our family activities. I pressured myself to do it for no reason and I no longer enjoyed it. This does not mean I am going to stop talking about Amelia+parenting+family life, but I am not going to pressure myself to record all her precious moments as I have tried to do in the past. Brian told me the other day, "you know... we do remember stuff. Not everything has to be recorded." Sometimes the simple words of wisdom from my husband amazes me.

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Blog Hiatus

After much contemplation, I made up my mind to take a hiatus from mommy blogging. I realized I was spending too much time on the computer between blogging here, facebook, and uploading pictures on my flickr photo page on my precious evening times. Amelia Love will continue to grow and fulfill our lives and be documented through my camera lens here.

But I might be back again after having a restful and fun summer break.. who knows? We are still living out lives to the fullest, just off-line instead of online for a while.

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Baseball Gene

It seems that Amelia has definitely inherited her father's love for the baseball. We took her to a very crowded Orioles game tonight at Camden Yards and Amelia could not hide her excitement for being there. She loved seeing the game; she loved the crowds cheering, and she absolutely loved the ball park food. Our good friends Wes and Ginny were there to make the game even more exciting. Amelia kept cheering on "Go Orioles" and laugh with glee. Although Brian is a life-long die hard Red Sox fan, he supports the Orioles as long as they are not playing his boys. That is why he was generous enough to sign Amelia up for Orioles Dugout Kids membership which allowed us to buy tickets for dollar a seat for tonight's game. Apparently tonight's game set a record for one of the biggest walk-in seats sold at Camden Yards in history; the number of crowds and the lack of parking certainly proved it. It is going to be a great baseball season in Baltimore this year. Although the Orioles made a good comeback in the ninth inning, they lost to Rangers by a run.

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Gratuitous Pictures of Amelia at Play

I have been too busy to post this week. So... here are some pictures of Amelia at play. I love how she is completely into whatever she is doing at that moment. Whether it be eating, playing in the sand, or on a balance beam. I hope she carries on this trait of being passionate. I believe she will; she is my daughter for sure.

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Finally, Big TEN Comes Off

As of this weekend, I finally lost ten pounds in total since starting our lifetime change in early March. All those morning workouts, all that rice uneaten (I'm a rice-a-holic)... it finally paid off.

We have 11 days left for the cruise. I wonder if I can lose some five more pounds by then.. I have two more days of work conference which binds me with horrible schedule since the conference is in Virginia. Fitting working out time is going to be such a challenge. Today, after leaving the house at 0545 in the morning, I returned home exactly at 2045. After spending 1.25 hours with Amelia and eating dinner, I just finished my workout 10 minutes ago. Now it's time for bed.. I hate shortened days like this.

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