I have been a bad blogger.. I just get finger-tied when writing and I'd rather just draw or photograph.
So, I decided to move to Squarespace which lets me do all the above a little better.
http://joyfulbeauty.squarespace.com
It has been a great journey, blogger.
on a lovely day in August. August has been very good to us.
Read more...I used to be an artist. I majored in art and once even thought I probably wouldn't be good at anything else beside art. Then somewhere down the road in my early-twenties, I lost passion for art. It happened rather slowly at first, but by the time I graduated from college, I had no inspiration left inside me. I abhorred the whole digital art phase. I despised the fact that all the animations were being done 3D (even though I love Pixar) and hand-drawn cell animations were "out of trend." I felt lost and I just didn't want to bother with what I wanted to do, animation, anymore. I pretty much stopped.
Recently, Amelia has been opening my eyes to try hands-on art again. She is voracious little artist. She can sit at her little desk and pain for hours. Considering she is only three and usually likes to be physically active, the concentration she shows when painting and drawing is remarkable. I painted the above lamp shade with the help of Amelia. She had been having some nightmares recently and was afraid of sleeping in the dark. Once we finished the lamp (it took two days) and moved it to her room, she stopped waking up in the middle of the night screaming. My inspiration box is being filled up again. I want to draw for her. I want to paint for her. I want to make art with her and for her. I want to do art for myself again.
Tomorrow is first day of preschool for Amelia. Where has time gone? I am more nervous than she is on how it is going to go. It is certainly going to be very interesting, to say the least.
I cannot help feeling thankful for all the full-time care my Mom has provided for Amelia thus far. It was three and a half years of unconditional love.. Amelia wouldn't be how she is now if it wasn't for my mother's constant care and attention. My mom will continue to get to see her throughout the week (especially when I have to go to the gym) since we live nearby.. she will continue to be an instrumental part of Amelia's life and both Brian and I believe that is one of the best things we can provide for our daughter-- the kinship of her grandparents.
She is growing at a lightening speed. I wake up every morning to find her awake at the same time as me..usually around 0530 in the morning. I feel that she has grown even more in mere 9 hours we have been apart. Even though she's awake, she doesn't come marching in the room like she used to. She says she wants us to sleep. This morning, she pleaded me to go back to bed, saying "it's too dark to go to work." My little princess has grown up to be a little queen..worrying about her own mama already. She is going to preschool full-time in two weeks.. am I ready for this change? Is she ready for this change? Am I going to find myself gasping even more at how much faster she will grow and change. None of us can stop the clock, and I actually embrace the fact that she is growing... Her growth is my fruition as well as my mother's labor of love for past three and a half years of watching her full-time. She has been fed with so much love. Love makes us change and makes us grow, and Amelia my-little-queen is the living proof of that theory.
This picture was taken a few months ago when we were camping in the Assateague Island. The scene was serene and peaceful. I could stay on the beach and watch the waves for hours at a time..
I felt like I was on the beach watching the waves today, only I was nowhere near the beach. I was walking towards my car in the work parking lot of all the places, and I felt the breezy engulfing me. It was not the same air I felt in the deserted concrete parking lot everyday. It was reminiscent of the wind from the beach.
Then I realized that I am at peace today. I am normal now. I couldn't help smile from creeping ear to ear. I think about frivolous things. I am back to liking shopping again. I laugh at Amelia's silly sayings (like Amelia saying Coldplay's music is "too fancy for her") and appreciate our special family moments.
Borrowing Elizabeth Gilbert's phrase from her book "Eat, Pray Love," I am "smiling from my liver." Inside and out. I am having a great, normal day.
Add this to the things I thought I'd never do: baking cupcakes on a Sunday morning just because a three-year old was begging to.
I love the way she changes me. I love being Amelia's mother. She is sweeter than any other cupcakes in the world. I wouldn't have survived the month of July had I not been her mother. I am not that religious but can't help thanking God for allowing me to have Amelia by my side.
There indeed is a silver lining in every situation. After enduring what had to be one of the most depressing week of my life, I was able to fly off to the paradise island for work. I got nourished by filling my lungs with its clean ocean breeze and my eyes with these beautiful vanilla sky sunsets. I appreciated all the little moments and the art of just being there.. And facing everything I feel and living through it. It truly was a vacation for my soul, that Hawaiian trip.
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